Which Requires More Discipline

Now that I have completed my fifteen-day tiny experiment, I am moving out into taking the parts that worked, letting go of what didn’t, and then moving forward. For reasons I can’t fully explain, I really like the micro.blog format. I can write in Obsidian, and with a few clicks, publish a post.

One Lesson I Learned

Answers close conversations. Questions open them. So I want to try and see how far I can get with publishing a dailyish blog that focuses on a question. If I look at my digital second brain and open my projects, areas, and resources, there are about 75 to 100 folders in there spread across the three topics. I feel pretty confident each and every one of those could spark a question. Why? Because the things I finished are in the Archives folder.

The Question

So today’s question came about from observing my own behavior. I find there are two types of tasks that require some self-discipline.

1. Tasks which require me to do something.
2. Tasks which require me to not do something.

The first group requires output, effort, initiative, action. The second group requires restraint, avoidance, inaction, redirection.

The question is: Which requires more discipline?

When there is something I want to do, and enjoy doing, that does not require any discipline. If there is a task that I do not need to do, and do not like to do, I don’t count that either. I am super well equipped to do nothing if the situation calls for it, and if I enjoy it, little to no effort is required for me to dive in.

What I’m talking about is when I need some self-discipline or courage. What isn’t completely clear is how much energy it consumes for me to avoid a temptation and how much energy is required to lean into work I would rather avoid. To me, it seems avoiding temptation is significantly harder. This is especially true when the temptation acts as a distraction from something I do not want to do.

Here are two examples of tasks that require effort

1. I need to have a difficult conversation. I am afraid the person will not like me or approve of me after the call.
2. I need to fill out a lot of tedious paperwork (usually expenses), which will also lead to me feeling bad about myself.

Here are two examples which require restraint:

1. Don’t eat that candy/dessert/sweet treat.
2. Don’t get sucked down the YouTube / TikTok social media hole. (Stay off my phone and stay present.)

Personally, I find it more challenging not to do something because the temptations hit when I am depleted. However, there is another thread. When the impact of a task really only directly affects me personally, I tend to fold. For example, I should work out. That requires effort, but I talk myself out of it because, really, I’m (at the moment) the only one affected. I should not wander into the kitchen looking for snacks when I’m not hungry because, well, again, I’m the only one who directly has to deal with a weight problem.

Short-term pleasures when I’m tired overrule long-term gains.

I guess I always eat the marshmallow¹. And I suppose that is the question I should dig into. Mischel’s research with kids and delayed gratification indicated greater self-discipline, but I wonder if anyone has done any work on - what would you call it? Differentiated self-discipline? Basically, what is the psychology to make something happen, vs the psychology to stop doing a thing?

My Take: Resisting is harder. I don’t know why, but it feels that way.