Novistopheles

7:30 a.m. Breakfast Meeting

This morning I had an awesome meeting with Isaac and Arthur, two enterprising young men who are starting out on a new business adventure. Meeting with other entrepreneurs is one of my favorite things to do. The focus, commitment, and enthusiasm for building a business that has an impact always inspires me.

While waiting for the meeting, I experimented with uploading my blog from my phone. For the most part, it works really well; however, one of the challenges is dealing with images. MarsEdit on macOS is my preferred way to post to micro.blog; however, on the phone, micro.blog does have an iOS app; however, whenever I upload images, they automatically get pasted to the bottom of the post. I wish they would stay inline or past the link at the cursor when they upload images. But they don’t. Or at least, I can’t figure out how to make it work.

So what I learned is that I have to upload the image, scroll to the bottom of the post to get the URL for the image— typically a <img /> tag— and then move it to where it belongs in the post. And by move it, I mean copy, paste, then go back and delete it. All things considered, it worked. So my revised phone flow looks like:

1. Edit markdown in Obsidian
2. Copy Obsidian page note and paste into Drafts app.
3. Inside of Drafts app, run macro to remove WikiLinks syntax(things in double brackets ``).
4. Make sure any images are saved in my Photos app (so Micro.blog app can upload them).
5. Run Apple AI Writing Tools Proofread (it doesn’t run in Obsidian for some reason).
6. Copy cleaned-up article.
7. Paste it into Micro.blog new post.
8. Upload the images.
9. Move the images to where they belong in the post.
10. Post the image to the blog.

It’s more tedious than it needs to be; however, it does work, and that is good enough. It means I can post on the road and keep up my commitment to this little experiment.

9:30 a.m.

This morning, I had another meeting with Rizwan from Pakistan. For the past few weeks, we have been talking about morning routines and productivity. Rizwan is a very kind and supportive entrepreneur who has shown a lot of interest in my second brain learning system as well as how I manage notes. However, today, we talked about kids and video games. In particular, Rizwan has been reading these blog posts, and the information about kids and video games interested him. He speculated that video games might be useful for helping neurodivergent kids adapt and adjust in social situations.

The call was fascinating, and it recalled some of my own experience working with kids on the spectrum. The last post, I spent a lot of time talking about the experiences boys need. I suppose it’s not a terrible point to stop and share some information and experiences that I have learned about working with kids on “the spectrum.”

Neurodivergent Thinking

One parent in particular raised the question, “Can’t we use video games to help our kids connect?” And the answer is, in my experience, absolutely, but like with all things, it is about being intentional. Being in the video game events industry, I have worked with a lot of kids on the spectrum. Here are some of the best practices that I have seen.

I love working with the Boys and Girls Clubs because most clubs have a policy of “normalizing” kids. When we would run programming, they would make sure to include autistic kids and kids with Asperger’s Syndrome.

Note: For a long time, Asperger’s and Autism were considered separate conditions; however, in the latest Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), they do not differentiate between the two. Both now fall under the umbrella of autism spectrum disorder (ASD). Historically, Asperger’s was generally used to describe individuals with milder symptoms than autism. They typically had strong verbal skills and intellectual ability, but experienced difficulty with social interaction and repetitive behaviors. The main difference between Asperger’s and autism was the lack of cognitive or language delays in the Asperger’s patients.

The key idea was that the Club staff wanted both groups to become normalized to each other. However, they recognized that some kids could become quickly overwhelmed in a high-stimulation environment, so they created exit plans for the children on the spectrum to be able to go to a quieter space when they became overstimulated.

A friend of mine runs a clinic that specializes in providing services for neurodivergent children, and she gave me some excellent tips which we used to train our staff.

1. Be clear. Use simple, direct language.
2. Structure and predictability are important.
3. Plan for sensory considerations.
4. Focus face to face to hold their attention.
5. Be patient.
6. Be kind.
7. Be present.

As Will Guidara wrote in his book Unreasonable Hospitality, everyone wants to be seen, valued, and cared for. Autistic kids are no different. But the behaviors that will make them feel seen, valued, and cared for can be different from most other kids.

How Video Games Can Help

One reason video games are so appealing to this group of kids (both boys and girls) is that they are inherently structured. The consistency is appealing. Back in the days when computer hardware was not that powerful, games could only render what mattered. They did not have the capacity to throw a bunch of random things at you. This made it much simpler and easier for all gamers to process, but especially appealing to kids with autism.

Also, what inhibits social emotional development for most kids (staring at glass instead of a screen) can be a relief for many autistic kids. The social environment is radically simplified so they are more or less protected from making the kinds of awkward mistakes that frustrate them in large group settings.

But perhaps the most empowering part of video games is that many children experience a kind of status inversion. They are not just good, they are very good at the games. Thus video games are a domain where they can experience mastery and respect of their peers.

The Video Game Party

One set of parents that I met did one of the best jobs I have seen working with their autistic son. They invested a lot of time and energy with their son to see his condition as a gift and a challenge he would have to learn to manage. They often used video games to help him socialize and normalize working with other kids. When GameTruck showed up for his party, his parents had invited a few of his closest friends over to play. It was a small party, but the boy had his own noise-cancelling headphones, and impressively he self-regulated. When he felt he was becoming overstimulated, he told the Game Coach (the party host managing the event) and went into the house or the backyard to let the energy dissipate. When he re-regulated, he returned to the party. His parents watched, but never interfered.

This even was as much about giving their son opportunities to practice emotional and self-regulation as it was about celebrating a birthday. I watched the entire situation and was deeply impressed by the compassion and commitment of the parents. Even more impressively, none of the guests and not even the Game Coach really realized what was happening. From the outside, he was just another gamer who was taking a break every now and then. Which is not an unusual behavior.

I share that story because it gives me hope that we can use tools like well-made video games to help kids experience dignity and acceptance that can be hard to experience in other areas of their lives.

And What About…

Okay, I will confess I am not an expert in girls and social media, but I am a father of a daughter, and the impact of attention-stealing platforms appears to be as harsh (or more harsh) for girls as “bad” video games are for boys.

For the best information I have found, I highly recommend reading The Anxious Generation. But for the sake of being fair, here’s what I know.

Girls also want to have experiences of agency, mastery, and relatedness. However, they tend to prioritize community first. They are more attracted to visual platforms like Instagram and TikTok.

The first big problem with all of these platforms, for both girls and boys, is that none of these platforms do age verification. None. They can do age verification for gambling websites, but the most valuable companies on the planet can’t (or won’t) do it. What’s more, they do not do account verification. It is easy to open multiple anonymous accounts. Have you ever tried to do that with a driver’s license? If you think that’s not a fair comparison, then try to buy liquor without one. We use government-issued identification all the time to regulate business behavior in the real world.

Why can’t we do that online?

This level of anonymity creates multiple problems for girls. First, is the tremendous pressure to “look pretty” - all the Instagram and TikTok filters that dramatically increase the girls' sex appeal, which leads to creepy old guys reaching out and soliciting them. Or worse, stalkers and predators seeking them out and grooming them.

There is a serious move to fence in the elementary school a block from my house. It has been an open campus for sixty years. I understand the school board’s motivation, but if they are going to do that, why can’t they also make the schools' phones free? Because the predators are not lurking outside the school anymore, they are in the kids' pockets, in their apps, and they have perfected methods to get the kids to come to them.

The other problem with the complete lack of regulation of account authenticity or age control is that for girls, relationships are much more important than they are for boys at the same age. So to hurt a teen girl, you hit her in the relationships. Social media platforms are all about judgement, from the like button to the comments, it doesn’t take a lot of effort to savage someone’s reputation and once one kid gets taken down, the mob mentality sets in almost as a mode of survival. As long as the angry mob isn’t after me, I’m safe.

Never before, in the history of humanity, have so many people been able to weigh in so angrily, viciously, and ruthlessly on one person without fear of reprisals or accountability. Matthew Dicks, winner of the Moth Grand Slam and story coach, shares his own experience with having his content edited, modified, and then used to assemble a smear campaign against him. As a successful grown man, he goes into great detail about this in his book Storyworthy. And no one was trying to blackmail Dicks into sending nude pictures of himself.

Your average teenage girl is at risk of cyberbullying and attempts to solicit compromising images from her constantly. While boys are experiencing fake agency in video games, girls are experiencing fake community in social media. They are both being cheated out of the real experiences they need to develop healthy social-emotional skills.

Meta’s Response: Instagram Teen Accounts.

As I was writing this, I happened to see an advertisement on TV from Meta announcing a “new” teen mode for Instagram. There is a lot of chatter online that this is not about helping kids, but more about averting regulation.

So what are Instagram Teen Accounts? So here’s the short version: Supposedly it’s their big move to keep kids safer online. These accounts come with a preloaded list of safety features: the accounts default to private, there are tighter restrictions on who can message them, content filters are stronger, and there are built-in nudges like time limits and sleep reminders. They’ve even beefed up age checks and added tech to spot underage users trying to sneak through. Parents now get a dashboard with some actual levers to pull—especially for kids under 16 who can’t change the defaults without a parent’s OK.

That all sounds great, and I’ll give them credit—those are good moves. But let’s not kid ourselves. Plenty of experts and child advocates are still giving Meta the side-eye. The core concern? Instagram is still Instagram. The same algorithms, the same infinite scroll, the same comparison traps and dopamine spikes. And while Meta’s tools help, they also put a lot of the burden on parents—again—to monitor and manage a system built to be addictive. The timing of all this also feels… strategic. Convenient, even. A new rollout that just happens to line up with mounting regulatory pressure?

What do you think?

For me personally, “reminding” a kid to go to bed is about as effective as PornHub’s “Are you 18?” banner. The kid dismisses it. They are not missing sleep because they forgot it’s bedtime. They are missing sleep because the platform is addictive. Every cigarette pack sold in the USA has a warning label. And people still buy them. You know what stopped people from buying cigarettes? Taking them out of CVS. When CVS dropped cigarettes, people assumed the sales would spike at other retailers. It didn’t. The market literally shrank. Taking the product AWAY reduced smoking. Warnings stop new people from smoking. But Meta isn’t warning kids to not use Instagram, just not to use it so much with an easily dismissible notification.

The other thing about Meta’s announcement is that they never address the issue with kids under 13 getting on the platform. It is almost as if they intentionally mention the under 16 to create the impression that only high school juniors and above are on the platform. They completely avoid the issue that most middle schoolers and a good chunk of elementary school kids in the fifth grade are getting on the platform.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Kids deserve to have the same protections online that they have in the physical world. An 11-year-old can’t walk into a bar, a strip club, or a dispensary and purchase products. If they do it, it is the business that is held accountable. Our government helps us protect our kids. Massive tech companies claim they are different because… they want to be held to a different standard. That is patently absurd.